I never was able to say that I had faith in God; faith is not the same as knowing. I know God is real. As early as I can remember, I felt God’s presence. I knew very little of the Bible and did not grow up in a church. I said my prayers before bed, it was not talking to God, it was the generic “Now I lay me” prayer. None the less, I felt God; when I was scared, I called out to God, when I was hurt, when I was sad, when I felt alone, I called out to God.
I did not have to deal with the issue of faith until I was older, sitting in the back of a church I had been attending for some time, and they started talking about Baptisms. I started hearing that the wages of sin were death, that God sacrificed his son to save us because we all fell short, the blood of Jesus Christ would cleanse us, being born again, and how the only way to the father (God) was through the son (Jesus).
I had a big problem…
I realized I had never believed in Jesus- my belief was with God. I was even a bit insulted that someone would claim that the only way I could reach God, whom I love, was through Jesus, someone I had no belief in or connection to. I did not get Baptized. I went to church and worshiped God, and no one ever asked if I believed in Jesus, so I just did not say otherwise. Then one day my Mom asked, and I was honest, I told her I did not believe in Jesus. She was VERY upset; she said “I failed as a mother, the most important thing, for my children to be saved.” I felt quite horrible, but I could not lie to her. I told her that I could go pretend to believe, but God would know my heart. She agreed and said she would pray for me.
It took some years for her prayers to be answered. I searched for proof in Jesus, for a reason to believe, and I tried to pray for a sign. For years I tried to find answers… to find Jesus. Then one day I read a quote about faith. I do not know who wrote it, but it said, “where there is proof, faith is impossible.” I don’t know exactly how to describe it, it just all made sense in a moment; God wasn’t asking me to have all the answers, he was asking me to trust him. Of course, he demands that we honor his son- and the pain his son endured for us- and the pain that God endured; only through the blood do you have the right to stand before God. God knows my heart, and finally I understood his. I believe in God, and I have faith in Jesus. Thank you Jesus- Thank you God!
Testimony of April G. from FL